I've been eager to post this follow up, but 1,000 wrestlers and one hell of a cold have slowed me down. We had a big tournament this weekend and Courtney gave me a cold the likes of which I haven't seen for a decade. Mom...the good news is that Courtney is almost as good as you are at taking care of me! I'm just kidding baby...you know you take great care of me! (There...have I covered all my bases?)
So we head off to baby class and I'm sniffling, hacking, sneezing and coughing. Clearly being surrounded by twelve expecting mothers is the best place for me to be! (I'm still waiting for an angry Dad with a sick wife to come knock on my door) Needless to say, I'm irritable (or as Courtney would say "a big baby") and combined with the wrestling tournament, have too much on my mind to want to have to deal with this stuff!
The only thing is, this class wasn't really that bad. I mean, sure...we watched some really awful child birth porn, but the teacher seemed more comfortable and we didn't do half of the ridiculous breathing / relaxation exercises that we did last time. In fact, the teacher even earned some respect from me.
At one point, she was talking about the relaxation exercises and using music to take you to your "happy place" and I just couldn't resist! That's right! I made a Kenny G comment!!! And to her credit, she fired right back at me and said this was coming from the guy who knew that it was Kenny G!
At that point I had to tip my hat. You see, in life, every once in a while you're sitting in a fastball count and expecting a fastball and your opponent throws you a curveball for a strike and it locks you up and sits you down. That was the case right here! I was almost proud of our fifth grade teacher, as she sent me back to the dugout.
We break for lunch and Courtney and I end up being the first ones back. Earlier in the class, the teacher had taken out the "empathy belly". Fortunately I was in the bathroom, blowing my nose, but when the teacher asked for a "not so shy guy" to try it, someone in the back of the room said, "where's Andy?"
I had successfully avoided a couple exchanges of the empathy belly, but after lunch, there was no avoiding it!!! It was just us and the teacher and she wanted to put it on me! I was trapped! So I agreed and then ate my lunch.
At first I thought it was great to finally have breasts, but then I quickly learned that this wasn't all I thought it would be. One thing was certain...I was MUCH more pregnant that Courtney is!! Every time I leaned over to take a bite of my wrap, I thought I was going to fall into my wrap. This was difficult! I'll be honest. I thought I would just testosterone through it and be the bigger man, but this was a pain in the a$$! It was pushing on my bladder and I couldn't breathe half as easily as normally. I wore that thing for an HOUR!!! That's about 1/2 hour longer than any other guy in the class. I was pretty proud of that accomplishment!
The end of our class was a tour of the Hospital birthing facilities. They were about what we expected and all I can say is that I (kinda) hope we get a private room. I get the impression that in most cases, everyone does, but if they are really busy, anything can happen. If you get a semi-private room (which I don't get...either it's private or it's not) the husband can't spend the night in the room. But I'm not gonna say that's a bad thing. We live 5 blocks from the hospital and I rarely get a chance to have the bed to myself, but if Momma needs me, I'll be at her side!
-Andy
2 comments:
Andy - its a good look for you. Try carrying it for 9 months! Thanks for the chuckle. I bet you are glad its over. But remember, when the time comes, the class won't mean a thing because you won't remember what you learned and nothing is stopping the LBMF from its arrival.
Andy, you do NOT get to go home on the night of the birth of your child to drink beer and fall asleep on the couch.
You can run and get some turtle bites, but only if you bring some back for Courtney.
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